January 13, 2002
Here's a timeline of today's
Here's a timeline of today's events in Washington, that none of those so-called "reputable" news organizations will report:
5:35 PM: President George W. Bush faints after choking on a pretzel, while watching the Dolphins-Ravens playoff game.
5:43 PM: Dick Cheney is whisked to an undisclosed location to keep an eye on events.
6:03 PM: Pundits Andrew Sullivan and George Will appear on CNN to decry a lack of pretzelmaker regulation under the Clinton Administration.
6:34 PM: An Auntie Anne's pretzel booth at the Owensboro, Kentucky mall is vandalized and spray-painted with patriotic and anti-terrorist slogans.
7:12 PM: 653-pound defenseman Tony Siragusa celebrates a Ravens' victory with, among other things, a half-digested pretzel airlifted in from Washington.
7:52 PM: Gallup reports that President Bush's approval rating is now at 99.73%.
8:20 PM: A shaken but undeterred Bush appears on TV; he explains why his near-death experience had stiffened his resolve to get his massive tax cut package passed.
8:41 PM: The Senate votes 99-0 to approve the tax cut package.
9:12 PM: The President inadvertantly inhales an entire Gummy Bear.
