April 17, 2003

Feel the Hate

Like I did for the NJ Nets last year, and like the Administration's trying to get us all to do for Syria right now, it's time to build up some Irrational Hate for the Celtics' first round opponent, the Indiana Pacers. Here goes:

Coach Isiah Thomas: This hate is rational. Isiah was a key member of Incarnate Evil, the Pistons of the late-80s/early-90s. He said that if Larry Bird were black, "he'd be just another good guy"; yeah, and he still would have picked off your pitiful inbound pass and sent you packing, Isiah. He said that the greatest players of the 80s were Bird, Magic, Michael and himself, which (I've said it before and I'll say it again) is like saying the US's biggest automakers are Ford, GM, Chrysler and Matchbox. He singlehandedly submarined the CBA. He froze Jordan out of the '85 All-Star Game as a player; then he froze Pierce and Walker out of this year's game as a coach.

Ron Artest: Is absolutely nuts; skim this page and count the number of times you see "suspended" or "ejection" or "drank own blood". Is a danger to fans, opponents and TV monitors around the league. He could, however, be a good test of the Fleet Center fans; can we break him, and how long will it take? I say if we're good, by the 3rd Quarter of Game 3.

Austin Croshere: His hammer-job on Paul Pierce cost the C's a playoff spot in 2001. I will not argue about this.

Tim Hardaway: Set an example for Mr. Artest in the TV-monitor-throwing department. He also made some stupid remarks about Antoine a couple years ago, which I can't remember precisely and Google fails to corroborate.

Ron Mercer: I always liked Mercer, personally, but his presence is a reminder of Rick Pitino. How Rick said that Mercer and Chauncey Billups were his "backcourt of the future", then traded them both within seconds (and, after a fashion, ended up with Vin Baker). We will never forget, Rick. Never.

Reggie Miller: Flops like the fish at the end of the Faith No More video. He'll drive the basket, get breathed on by a defender, then throw his arms (and the ball up) like he just got 4,000 volts to the groin. And usually gets away with it. And yet no defender has planted him just to show him what an actual foul looks like. Mitigating Factors: His "choke" sign at Spike Lee and the Knicks earns a lot of Brownie points here.

Indiana in General: Took the everybody-has-a-shot state basketball tournament that inspired Hoosiers and turned it into a class/division thing. Gave the nation Dan Quayle. For the most part, they unconditionally supported evil coach Bob Knight. And isn't the name "Conseco Fieldhouse" just a little too precious?

Prediction: "It'll take a miracle" - Miracle Max. The C's just aren't that good. Pacers in seven.

Comments

Isiah thomas is the most cocky player alive and he isn't even justified. Sure the throwback pistons had an awesome 2 years (88,89) but that wasn't just fueled by thomas. Take a team like the bulls then turn them around into a champion team then come talk to me. Bird defined the decade and is still talked about to this day while Isiah is forgotten. I think that is what that comment was fueled by. If you ask a kid my age (17) what players defined the 80's most would not even mention his name. Larry shake those haters off you are the man. Isiah stop staying in the shadow of superstars like a kid that wants to go outside with his little brothers.

Posted by: Jason Steamer at June 12, 2004 08:25 PM

Post a comment