Archives for July 2002
July 30, 2002
FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD
I can not stop thinking about Caesar Barber, who's suing KFC, Wendy's, BK, and McDonalds for making him fat. It doesn't say in the article, but I can only imagine the horror he must have felt as Colonel Sanders and Mayor McCheese wrestled him out of the house in the middle of the night, dragged him blindfolded (so he couldn't see the salad or grilled chicken options) to the counter and forced him to supersize.
I don't want to automatically say this is all the fault of greedy lawyers, but let's not kid ourselves. Ever since the first lawsuits against big tobacco shattered the myth of free will, it's only been a matter of time before anyone selling anything remotely connected to ingestable products has to face the wrath of someone who enjoyed their products a bit too much.
Here's some unsolicited diet advice from someone who's not exactly a bodybuilder. If you consider the midafternoon snack a meal, therefore allowing you to snack between it and dinner, that's not good. If you can smell the grease wafting out of the restaurant as you walk in (assuming you're actually taking the trek from the parking lot to the door and not driving thru), that's not good. If the only developed muscle in your body is the remote-control lifting muscle in your arm, that's not good. If you're breathlessly awaiting the arrival of the Segway to cut your valuable shuffling-to-the-mailbox time in half, you have a problem. If you've had two heart attacks and diabetes and don't stop eating fast food 4-5 times a week, like Barber, you're not getting it.
And some advice for Grimace and Wendy: it may lead to bad PR, but I bet you can settle out of court with a fistful of Biggie Size coupons.
July 28, 2002
NINE FOR NINE
Happily, all 9 of the trapped miners in Pennsylvania were rescued safely late last night. When you think about it, stuff like this puts things in perspective. You hear people complaining of sick-building syndrome and overcommuting syndrome and chronic fatigue syndrome. But these guys were trapped for 3 days in a tiny air pocket 240 feet below ground. That's gotta be some kind of syndrome.
But according to CNN, "Dumire said he saw no evidence of post-traumatic stress among the men. 'They're all quite calm, cool and collected, and they all want to get on with things,' he said." Come on guys! This is 2002 America! You're supposed to be talking to lawyers and going on Oprah and lining up ghostwriters and doing anything but being glad you made it and going on with your life.
July 23, 2002
Our Fearless Leader
White House spokesman Ari Fleischer, speaking for presumably-vacationing President Bush, condemned Israel's bombing of an apartment building as "heavy-handed". "This...does not contribute to peace," said Fleischer.
Excellent advice from our administration. A better course for Israel, perhaps, would be to pick a country arbitrarily (like Afghanistan), repeatedly bomb selected sites in that country, that may be hosting terrorists, wedding guests, or any combination of the above, and call it an ongoing victory. Then Israel should announce plans to invade Iraq because...well, do they need an actual reason? (James Carroll has a great editorial in today's Globe wondering what the Iraq thing is all about.)
Or maybe we could learn a thing or two from Israel. They killed civilians and got their man. We kill civilians and Osama bin Laden is still unaccounted for.
July 18, 2002
They Did the Right Thing. Not the Right Wing Thing.
In a shockingly rare case of government actually working for the people, the Massachusetts Legislature yesterday voted overwhelmingly not to even discuss putting a "pro-marriage" question on the ballot.
The people who wanted the question on the ballot claimed it was to protect the institution of marriage, but it didn't really seem to have any effect other than to shut out gay couples from getting any kind of civil recognition from the state. Putting aside the issues that the petition for the ballot question was riddled with fraud allegations, the Legislature did the right thing. A ridiculous question like this shouldn't even see the light of day.
If you want to see a wonderful display of circular logic, check out the FAQ of Marriage Matters, a group ostensibly devoted to protecting the sancitity of marriage against whatever it is threatening it. I still would like to see these people devote some of their energy toward slowing down the divorce rate, if they're serious about defending marriage and protecting the children (since that is what this is all about). But I'm glad our lawmakers saw fit to chuck this silliness without a second look.
July 16, 2002
New Movie Review!
It's done! It's Jaws! 47 to go!
July 10, 2002
Yeah...what he said
The incomparable SFGate.com columnist Mark Morford has a wonderful piece today on the whole war-as-smokescreen issue, and how its Bush-shielding properties are getting flimsier and flimsier.
I wasn't the world's biggest Clinton fan, but if he were doing what Bush is doing right now, a lot of the people who hated him back then would hate him even more right now.
A Plug, A Poll, and A Plan
sooz has helped put sports.bunkosquad.com onto Movable Type (thanks again, Brian, for getting me hooked on MT) so it looks a bit different. But in the words of Stuart Smalley, that's OK.
More critical is that you go to the sports site, read my diabolical scheme, and then vote in the poll.
July 09, 2002
Make Your Own Voucher Connection
Student beaten for misbehaving in Bible class
At least it will keep them from doing anything useful
George Bush defended his 1990 sale of $850,000 worth of stock in a doomed company. Interesting that he's against drunk driving, rumored drug use, and now corporate malfeasance.But a sitting President with a possible financial scandal. Hmmm. I figure the Democrats owe the nation a lenghty investigation, a lenghty sidetrack into an unrelated personal scandal, a belligerent Special Prosecutor, 400,000 pounds of documents and an impeachment.
And while that's going on, the rest of us will get that much closer to getting two new parties into power in Washington.
July 04, 2002
Which is the worst job?
A.) Air conditioning repairman. You go into a hot, sticky environment full of hot, sticky, angry people. When the job is finally done and it's comfy again, you have to leave.
B.) The poor schmuck on the other end of the phone with that "Can you hear me now?...Good." idiot.
July 03, 2002
O say can you...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!?!
The government has urged everyone to be on Extra Super Cautious Vigilant Alert this holiday weekend. And today they announced they will "randomly" fly fighter jets over undisclosed US cities on the Fourth.
Ah, what better way to soothe the jangled nerves after a long hot week than a cold beer, a book in the park, and a SUDDEN SONIC BOOM AS THREE F-16's FLY OVERHEAD!!!!! If you need me, I'll be exercising my Constitutional right to hide in the basement.
July 02, 2002
It's A Cruel, Cruel Summer
The Onion is not publishing again until July 17th. This distresses me. I need quality humor every week.
But here's an editorial from the Onion archives that I love quite a bit.
July 01, 2002
Till death do us part....in 5 minutes
Apparently, in Afghanistan, it's a beloved tradition after a wedding to fire guns into the air. Well...whatever works for you; it makes at least as much sense as The Chicken Dance.
Except on this occasion, when the post-nuptial gunplay was misintepreted by US troops who bombed the wedding, killing at least 20 celebrants.
This could raise some interesting questions, namely is this still a war on terror, considering we think Bin Laden is still on the loose? Or has the US just designated all Afghanistan as a target zone? Are we going to move on to other countries that house terrorists? Does anyone in charge actually have a plan*?!?
Doesn't, in some twisted way, this killing of civilians just perpetuate the imperialistic and ham-handed US policy in this region of the world? And give our nation's enemies more reason to do the awful things they like to do?
And is blowing up a wedding reception a part of George Bush's pro-marriage stance?
I guess I'd just like to think that this worldwide war on terror is being conducted with more focus and direction than Augustus Gloop being let loose in the Chocolate Factory.
