Archives for October 2003
October 31, 2003
Our New #1 Product
It took a real whiz to invent something like this - an artificial sphincter for people with weak bladders, that can be operated by remote control when it's safe to pee.
The comedic potential for this is limitless. I saw this link on Fark, and the first commenter hit the nail on the head: "And I thought trying remotes on random garage doors was funny." Think crowded movie theaters or waiting in long lines.
October 26, 2003
Goodbye, Old Friend
It's official...my DVD player, a fixture in my life since April 2000, has shuffled off its mortal digital coil. Any disc I put in now makes an ominous whirring sound for a few seconds, then a "No Disc Found" message pops up on the screen. Two different cleaning products failed to do the trick.
Let the record show that the first movie it showed was Good Will Hunting and the last one was 28 Days Later. (No, smartasses, I haven't finished Birth of a Nation yet; anyone who wants to slog through it and write a guest review is welcome to.)
Any suggestions on a good, fairly inexpensive model for a replacement?
The Coma Test
I like to imagine this from the perspective of someone who just woke up after four years in a coma.
"Who won the last three Superbowls?"
"Well, the Buccaneers, and before that the Patriots and the Baltimore Ravens."
"You're joking, right? Who won the World Series? Must be the Yankees three more years."
"In 2001, it was the Diamondbacks, then the Angels, then the Marlins."
I think they'd fall unconscious again.
October 25, 2003
Best. Auction. Ever.
Too bad it's long since over. An angry, angry man sold his ex-wife's Beanie Babies on ebay. (Reproduced...quirky spelling and all)
Final Notice and Disclaimer: I know nothing about these stuffed Beanie Babies. I offer no proof of anything. It is a stuffed animal, get over it! I don't think my ex-wife was in the Black Market Beanie Trade..but then again, I didn't know she was having an affair either! Thus no gauruntees! All have theior little Heart Shaped tags on their ears.
It just goes on and on like that.
(found via the fat guy)
October 21, 2003
Why The Quiet
I haven't had much to say lately. At least, much to say that isn't expletive-laden.
All in all, it's been a pretty crummy week. The Red Sox torched another summer, the Celtics got bent over by Dallas, and I'm just in a rotten mood generally. Plus I wonder how bad this country can get before Inauguration 2005, and whether Bush and Rove will even hand over the keys to the White House without tanks in the streets and men on horseback (after all, when you're appointed by God, it's hard to let a little thing like the overwhelming will of the electorate get in your way). Ugh.
So, like Grady Little put his faith in Mike Timlin to hold the Red Sox lead (in Bizarro World), I'm counting on the world's funniest transvestite to jumpstart my mood.
October 14, 2003
Rush
A very good column from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch imagining how Rush Limbaugh might have responded had, say, Bill Clinton admitted an addiction to painkillers.
Like most people, I'm sort of torn between two emotions when it comes to Rush's plight. On one hand, I want to feel sympathy for anyone in pain. But it's Rush Limbaugh. The man has never demonstrated an ounce of sympathy that I've heard of - here's a sampling of some of his quotes on addiction from NY Newsday.
I'm less inclined to be anti-Rush for his ESPN/Donovan McNabb comments; for one thing, he was commenting on the media more than on McNabb's skills. But ESPN was wrong to hire him in the first place; as the McNabb controversy and Bill O'Reilly storming out of an NPR interview show, a lot of this right-wing blowhardiness looks pretty weak once it sees the light of day.
And I wonder how right-America feels about the fact that one of their patron saints has been guiding them for years while he's been doped out of his mind. I'd check the Free Republic message boards to see, but I've had kind of an upset stomach for a few days and I don't want to chance it.
October 11, 2003
Thoughts From the Brink of Insanity, if Not Elimination
Sox lose to Yankees.
I didn't see the pregame, so I'm not sure if the Fox announcers were wearing only Yankee caps, or full uniforms. Could they be any more biased? From Tim McCarver's 25-minute soliliquy on how the DH has ruined baseball because Clemens wouldn't have a chance to throw at Pedro, to the knee-jerk condemnation of Pedro for flipping Don Zimmer (after 5 replays, Joe Buck quietly said, "maybe Pedro's not entirely to blame" - nice call, Joe, since the Gerbil was speed-waddling towards Pedro with a left hook winding up the whole time), to the deification of Mariano Rivera. Maybe he's so effective in the postseason because McCarver spends 5 innings giving him a full-body massage - am I the only one who thinks this?!?
And to save time tomorrow, Nomar's planning to swing three times at the first pitch and then go sit down. Not that I'm bitter.
My Dad and I have remarked in the past that nowhere else but Boston is there such a universal combination of loyalty and loathing towards the home team. The city motto is, "These guys suck; what time's the game?"
8:00 tomorrow.
October 07, 2003
Red Sox/Yankees
I'm done posting for tonight...I just saw a preview of the Sox/Yank$ series which included a clip of Chuck Knoblauch's phantom tag in '99. I guess I had successfully repressed that until just now. And now I'm going to go punch a wall for 3 or 4 hours. Night.
And Another Thing...
I just saw CNN interview a pro-recall guy who said Gray Davis had to go because, under his leadership, California saw a record budget surplus turn into a crippling deficit.
10 bucks says this knucklehead's going to vote for Bush next year.
Ahh...cognitive dissonance.
Good News And Bad News
Everyone says Arnold won.
The bad news: The largest-populated state now has its economy in the hands of a man with more experience pouring oil on himself than running a budget. The good news: you can't use a $100-million special effects budget to create the illusion of success.
The bad news: It's apparently possible to win an election in this country just because people have seen you a lot on TV. The good news: maybe pouring water out of the lifeboat will leave Arnold too busy to make "Collateral Damage II".
The worst news: another Republican tactic to undermine a legitimate election has apparently succeeded. The best news: Hell. It ain't my state.
Stupid Poetic Justice
In a perfect world, voters wouldn't be dumb enough to elect a vapid bodybuilder with no governmental experience to run a major state.
But it's not a perfect world. And happily, it seems that some of them are also dumb enough to vote for Arnold...but forget to vote "Yes" on the recall. Oops!
Well, it's not like the Republicans don't have some evil scheme to take power regardless of how the votes actually stack up.
All Is Right With The World
October 05, 2003
Grumblings in Red Sox Nation
How is it possible to feel so miserable after a walkoff homer keeps the dream alive for another day? Let me count the ways.
The middle of the lineup has now left the entire population of Maine stranded on the bases. The A's intentionally walked Manny to get to Ortiz tonight; did it really matter? Neither one could hit off a tee so far.
The bullpen. Yikes. Timlin and Williamson were awesome tonight, but as soon as the starter leaves the game, the negative air pressure of 34,000 fans holding their breath actually affects runway patterns at Logan.
The bullpen, again. Sox "closer" B.K. Kim actually flipped off the fans after he was booed during pregame introductions. Hey, Kim, we're tough here. Get used to it. Or don't.
Managing. I was scratching my head so much at some of Grady Little's decisions this week that I was handed a coupon for a flea dip. When to use, or not use, pinch-hitters and pinch-runners and bunts and steals -- I may not be an expert, but I know management-by-Ouija-Board when I see it. I love Grady as a leader, but his game management is shaky.
That said, the Sox are one game away from heading back to California -- and the A's are one loss away from a six-hour flight home wearing a huge choke collar. Time, I suppose, will tell.
October 03, 2003
"More Vicious Than Tricky Dick"
John Dean thinks a civil suit by Valerie Plame and Joseph Wilson is the best way to get to the truth about the White House coverup.
BloggerCon
Looks like I'm going to be able to do a pop-in at BloggerCon this weekend. It's a pretty cool idea; though I won't be able to attend the day of heavy-hitters on Saturday, there's still a pretty formidable list of attendees that I am looking forward to meeting, if only briefly.
And, hey - I'll be at a party with Adam Curry!
On the Valerie Plame Affair
On boston.com:
In Congress, Democrats and Republicans sparred over whether a special counsel should be appointed to investigate. Democrats contend an agency headed by Bush appointees cannot adequately investigate the administration. Republicans have labeled that claim politically motivated.
In other news, a local fox gave a press conference to announce that he's fully qualified to investigate a series of killings at a local henhouse.
Honestly, though. I'd think that an administration who leaks - or helps leak - information that will blow the cover of, and possibly endanger the life of, a government agent (out of political pique, no less) is a slightly bigger deal than, oh let's say an affair with an intern. But those wacky Democrats - making mountains out of molehills!
I really doubt they'll be able to actually pin this on one of Bush's inner circle - though the idea of Karl Rove being frog-marched out of the White House certainly can warm a chilly October evening. Isn't it nice to see these guys squirm a little?
A related must-read: Scroll down to the end of this Washington Post article for a couple of interesting anecdotes about the Conniver-in-Chief. And read more from the great Paul Krugman.
October 02, 2003
Not That I'm Bitter
The Red Sox announced a promotion for Game 3 today: the first 5.000 fans arriving at Fenway will have a chance to be stranded on base by Manny Ramirez.
